Yeh, Dilli hai mere yaar…

With 3 generations of my family settled in Delhi, I’m inclined to think of Delhi as my hometown. It’s another matter that it’s been less than a decade since I moved here and it’s only recently that I realized how “panjju” I had become when one of my friends asked something in Punjabi and I responded in Punjabi instinctively. This little incident made me reflect on the changes that had come to me since I moved here. Those of you who take great pride in identifying yourself as Bengali, Assamese, Malayalee, Bihari, etc., and identify or agree with any of the following points, maybe it’s time to admit that you are now also a Delhi-ite.

1. You know a bit of Panjabi and Haryanvi.
2. You use hindi and angrezi in the same sentence and it is ok to generously pepper your sentences with “oye” and “yaar.” E.g, “oye yaar, did you know…?”
3. You consider a bus or metro fairly empty if you can find place to plant your two feet.
4. “Ghantaaa…” is a valid comeback in any argument.
5. You are no longer rattled by the thought that angrezi coaching centers like “Aggarwal English Coaching Centres” exist…and people actually do go there to learn “Ingliss.”
6. You catch yourself telling someone, “yeh cheez chandni chawk/janpath/pallika/lajpat nagar mein half-rate mein milti hai.”
7. You have learned the hard way that you should never stop a random person on the street and ask for directions.
8. You have forgotten what those interesting lines on the road at the traffic lights are for or for that matter, what pedestrian bridges are for…you cross the road whenever and wherever you wish. The best way, of course, is to show your outstretched arm and cross the road like a boss.
9. The men you know are obsessed about their “doley-sholey” or the lack of it and often go gymming to make their “body.” Wearing tight t-shirts once “body” has been made helps women see the depth of their soul quite easily.
10. When traffic police is not in sight, you don’t drive in Delhi…you fly over Delhi. 
11. You have at some point given money for “chai-paani” to a policewallah a.k.a. thulla.
12. When your friend calls and says “baat kar” it means you have to bail him out of a traffic police incident. Remember that.
13. Tropicana and Real fruit juices are cool to drink in public but gannay ka juice has a special corner in your heart and no summer goes without having some lassi and faluda kulfi.
14. If alone in a car with a friend of the opposite sex, you have always behaved awkwardly when a beggar comes to you and says, “bhagwan jodi salamat rakhe.”
15. You can afford clothes at the mall but feel a sense of great achievement when you buy clothes from Janpath or Sarojini Nagar after some badass bargaining. 
16. The best way to criticize a girl is to say that her dress was “so Sarojini!” 
17. You can handle almost any situation in life because you are an expert at “jugaad.” 
18. Your favorite pastime when staring at the traffic is to read “Shair aur shayari” on passing trucks, rickshaws, and busses. 
19. Gaalis are used to express anger, love, hate, surprise, etc., etc.. 
20. You invent new gaalian when you are stuck in traffic because of a VIP movement. 
21. You not only know the song “Hat ja tau pachey ne” but have also danced to it when no one was watching. 
22. Irrespective of the how often swear your undying love for Pink Floyd, Coldplay, Collective Soul, Metallica, you still have a few Sukhbir, Yo Yo Honey Singh tracks in your iPod or CD. You also kept playing Imran Khan’s hit song “Amplifier” over and over again when it was new. 
23. There is no better way to announce that you are enjoying a drive than to play the latest Bollywood item number loud and clear in your car. 
24. You believe that when you double-park you car, the road automatically widens so that the traffic is not affected. 
25. If a red light is not working, four cars from different directions can easily pass through one another. 
26. You automatically give “the look” to any driver who overtakes you. 
27. You discuss Facebook in real life too ‘coz it’s kewl. 
28. You also think it cool the way you write “kewl.” 
29. Been to Ramlila Maidan to support Anna Hazare? If yes, brag about it and post pictures on FB. 
30. You often encounter men who are marinating in their deo. You stop yourself from telling then that the Axe commercials are a lie. 
31. You have learnt the art of distinguishing between achcha-wala and sasta-wala China ka maal. 
32. You pray for baarish in May and June. Always. 
33. You have spotted at least one ad for desi dawakhana for kamzhor mard at purani Dilli. 
34. If you attend any marriage party without a few Punjabi songs, check your map again. You may not be in Delhi. 
35. When going clubbing, you look forward to the time that the DJ will stop playing the angrezi songs and start playing Punjabi or Bollywood remixed songs.  
36. FCUK shirt on the first date? So Delhi! 
37. Have at some point told your GF/BF “Bees rupiye ka balance dalva do jaanu.” 
38. Socks + sandles, jeans + kurta, salwar + jogging shoes? Make your own fashion statement! 
39. You instinctively hide your purse and gold chain when you see two boys on a black Pulsar. 
40. One does not need to know where the patli gali is to use the phrase “ja patli gali se nikal ja.” 
41. Branded shirtain at Rs.50? Sunday bazaar is the place, dude! 
42. Follow ambulances to find your way out of traffic. 
43. It’s ok to join a serpentine queue at any point if you are looking the other way and have “accidently” ignore the 50 other people who have been waiting before you. 
44. Ustaad is a car mechanic. Always. 
45. All shopkeepers are “bhaiyyas” unless they have a few white hairs in which case they are automatically promoted to the post of “uncle.” This rule applies irrespective of the fact that he may only be about 2 to 5 years older than you. 
46. You head to Gafaar when you want to buy a mobile phone.\
47. You refer to AIIMS as Medical. 
48. You measure the distance between two locations in travel time and not kilometers. 
49. Ever said “haan ji” instead of a simple “haan.” 
50. There are only 7 important persons in this city --- Me, I, Myself, Main, Mainu, Aami, and Moi!

By Sangeeta Menon